did it again
thats right. i said it. i made the classic sharyn-ann mistake. AGAIN.
i started to like someone i shouldnt.
its not as if he's off limits in terms of being emotionally/geographically/physically unavailable. well, i didnt think he was. but that hte later part of the story.
he's just someone who...isnt for me, as it has been put by others. he doesnt have a sense of direction, quite happy to coast through life. he's younger but thats not the issue. its more that some (aka: most) of the things he says and does is quite juevenile. and i have no problems telling him so. and i've come to realise that he is kinda spoiled (or is that spoilt? can someone correct me pls?) and a lil bit of a playa.
but there is something about him that is just.....intriuging? alluring? exciting? sweet? i dont really know what it is. i have a conscious awareness that its nota good idea to have any kind of involvement with him other than a guy i see around sometimes.
and i've seen him be quite articulate and endearing. and we've been playing the high school game of 'knowing the other is interested but not really doing anything to act on it just yet, waiting to see how it plays out' for so long. and i have to admit, i get the girly shivers when he not so accidentally brushes his hand against mine. It been a long long time since i've had thoes shivers. its feels nice ( in a completely un-feminist kinda way) to catch by breath wheneva he gives me that look of i 'know what we're both thinking right now'.
so we were doing that dance around each other for ages. finally admitted the way we felt. and it felt so good.
for a couple of days.
then....
i met his (alleged) girlfriend
and now im really unsure how to proceed. coz i feel like an idiot. like i should've known better coz i know him and his actions. the funny thing is im not angry. im not hysterical. im not upset, well, maybe a little. in all honesty i just feel empty. not drained of emotion. just EMPTY. a void filled with nothing.
Coz i dont hate this playa. i hate his game.
i started to like someone i shouldnt.
its not as if he's off limits in terms of being emotionally/geographically/physically unavailable. well, i didnt think he was. but that hte later part of the story.
he's just someone who...isnt for me, as it has been put by others. he doesnt have a sense of direction, quite happy to coast through life. he's younger but thats not the issue. its more that some (aka: most) of the things he says and does is quite juevenile. and i have no problems telling him so. and i've come to realise that he is kinda spoiled (or is that spoilt? can someone correct me pls?) and a lil bit of a playa.
but there is something about him that is just.....intriuging? alluring? exciting? sweet? i dont really know what it is. i have a conscious awareness that its nota good idea to have any kind of involvement with him other than a guy i see around sometimes.
and i've seen him be quite articulate and endearing. and we've been playing the high school game of 'knowing the other is interested but not really doing anything to act on it just yet, waiting to see how it plays out' for so long. and i have to admit, i get the girly shivers when he not so accidentally brushes his hand against mine. It been a long long time since i've had thoes shivers. its feels nice ( in a completely un-feminist kinda way) to catch by breath wheneva he gives me that look of i 'know what we're both thinking right now'.
so we were doing that dance around each other for ages. finally admitted the way we felt. and it felt so good.
for a couple of days.
then....
i met his (alleged) girlfriend
and now im really unsure how to proceed. coz i feel like an idiot. like i should've known better coz i know him and his actions. the funny thing is im not angry. im not hysterical. im not upset, well, maybe a little. in all honesty i just feel empty. not drained of emotion. just EMPTY. a void filled with nothing.
Coz i dont hate this playa. i hate his game.
posted by ~shan at
3:06 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home