recognising and testifying

there's that book. And they tell you, he's just not that into you if he is:
- not dating you
- not sleeping with you
- breaking up with you
- a jerk, bully or really big freak
- etc



but the one they dont write about is the one we girls never quite understand. He's just not that into you if he:
- He acts as though you are not really there. Or pays you minimal attention.

You know him. He's the one who will be in a group, taking and laughing with everyone (basically, acknowledging everyone) but you. He's the one who only speaks to you when you speak to him first.
He's the one who (most of the time, coz sometimes there are good moments that make you forget all the bad ones) makes you feel as though you dont exist at all. makes you question your own behaviour and opinions, believing that maybe it was you who did something wrong. Makes you feel as though......you're not quite up to standard.

But eventually - and it really is eventually because it takes forever for you to reach this point - you realise that he is just not that into you.

And that's okay. In fact, its more than okay. Its a relief. Your world is not going to end. It is going to be better with this powerful knowlege. You feel lighter because you aren't holding onto anything any longer. You can be a more self assured person. You feel good about yourself and this realisation.

But this epiphany never lasts for ong. Sure, you hold on to it for a while. Evertime you see him you smile to yourself a little bit - like you know the secret to happiness.

But then he does something. And usually, its something insignificant. And the you forget all about the epiphay you had not so long ago. And even if you dont conciously realise it, you slip back in to old habits.

Well, enough is enough.
I no longer want to slip into old habits.
I no longer want to have the same realisation over and over again.

I am free.
It no longer matters.
His actions no longer have any relevance.
This is the last time I have this epiphany.

Hopefully.